I see you on my cellphone screen, your pics they make it hard to breath, something about your everything, it keeps on driving me wild, i read your texts all day all night, whats your intentions? Lets drive away into the sun, take my hand ill make you cum.... a little closer. ill wrap my lips around your....... Lay on my bed, and beg for, this poison. Please stop teasing every inch of me, this night i spend with you, god dont let it end.  Next time ill make your body scream, those things you said to me, they make it hard to breath. I see it in your eyes, the trouble on your lips, let you kiss between my... the way that i taste, the poison on my hips, now we'll never get away...   Maybe holding hands wasn't such a good idea!     (changed up, but still stolen words... so thanx Modern Day Escape for the words=) 

I thought I would hurt more

I am not saying that I did not love him, I did. 
I cared about him a lot. I gave him everything I had and then some crazy lol. 
He moved out about a week ago, maybe more maybe less. I cant describe the feeling that I felt living alone the first day. The first night was beyond lonely and awkward, I missed him that night, but when I woke up that next morning and I didn't have to be quiet because grumpy grizzly was sleeping, and I could sing badly and dance in my underwear, and be loud with my son, it was amazing. It was a liberating feeling to be on my own. Knowing that even though I cannot pay my bills alone right now, that I wasn't living off him, and being taken care of by someone who didn't love me. Who held money over my head, and made me feel terrible about everything I wanted and sometimes things I needed. 
All I needed was to be me. Take care of my son, and live alone and stand on my own two feet. Well I am doing it =D 
I have lots of friends that are very supportive. My sister who is going through a tough time as well and the word divorce was thrown around, and her kids were taken from her, not because she is a bad mother at all, only because she just didn't have what it takes to be super mom. Work nights, and stay up with her kids through the day and never sleep. She moved in with me little after Chris left, and we are having  a blast. Well not really we will prob still struggle. She is a hard worker though, and I will get a job soon, I am cleaning some houses here and there and make some money. But not enough to pay bills. I will get there. And Nine months from June 25th I will be standing on my own two feet for real, and making my own money, and lots of it too. 
I WILL NOT need a man, however, if there is someone wanting to be with me and i am feeling the same way then I will make room in my life for him. 
In the mean time, I am just gonna do my own thing, and do what feels right in the moment. Cant go wrong with that, right?