There are so many things I wish I could say to you. There are so many things I had hoped for and still wanted out of this. It wasn't supposed to end, and especially not that way. But there is also so much I wanted from you, that you were never willing to give me. You were able, just not willing. All i wanted and am worth was to be put first. If family means enough to you to tattoo on your arm, then why wasn't it enough to make you change some of your ways. If i cant even talk during your Monday night show, but you'll drop your show and everything else to go be with her, imagine how you would feel. On top of that if your friends didn't like me at all, or never wanted me around, why would you want them around if you say you love me so much? Most men would want to show off the mother of their child, and want his friends to get to know her and like her, but you wanted us separate. You wanted a separate life of your own that i wasn't in at all, WHY? Thats not love or a relationship. Sometimes when you love something you just want to be surrounded by it, and me wanting to know what you talk to your friends about or the girls about was not me not trusting you, it was me wanting to know you, and be surrounded by you. You always wanted your space and wanted to be away from me with another girl, and all i wanted was to be with you and for you to feel the fucking same. you never did, and that's why i always thought you were giving what I deserved to someone else. because if you weren't giving it to me then who was getting that attention?? 
I still feel like I'm chasing something I'll never catch. I feel like even when I have you I have to compete constantly to keep you. I have to change my looks and be different every week so that you don't lose interest or stray from me to another girl. 
Sometimes I think we are better off as friends, but then I miss you so much, and want you around, and want to confide in you like I always have. Its just that I know what I am worth and when we are together you don't always give me or treat me like all I am worth. I want to be appreciated, loved, and respected. And will be put first! When i get made mad, I will tell you and that's never going to change.  


Things got so bad this time, its almost like if we wanted to try again, we've put everyone and everything in such a bind and in so much crap, its like we are past the point of no return. But you are always going to be my Big and I will always come running back to you because I love you. But you never have and never will love me enough to be the one to come back, or the one to try and fix it. Its always gotta be me begging and feeling like I did something wrong, when sometimes you just need to accept at least HALF of the consequences for your indiscretions then it wouldn't have gotten that ugly. And some things I never got over, because once you got it off your chest it was to never be paid for. I paid for my mistakes months and months later. And you never had to pay for any of your indiscretions, its like once you told the truth it was over, and it wasn't. you should have asked or cared what i needed from you to make it better!!!!!!!!!!!!   
Maybe just maybe we aren't meant to be. But there are so many more days where I think we are than there are days when i think we aren't.   I just wish I could get over you. I wish I could move on, but do I really want to?? I want you. I want to be with you, but I want to be with the YOU I fell in love with! Not this man that has a twisted perspective on what a relationship is. Part of being in a relationship is not acting single when she is or isn't around. Its about making sure that everyone knows you are with her, and that you are happy and not easily strayed. You aren't that guy anymore. Even if you were, its not like you love or care about me enough anymore to find that guy. I can only be that girl you fell in love with if you are that guy. Without that guy, I will never know that girl again! Because she had something that I don't/haven't had in a long time, HIM!