Not the best thoughts to try to fall asleep to

So last night he said that we should get off each others facebook's. I was confused because when he broke up with me it wasnt for another girl he claims, and he says its just whats best right now. I wonder if he knew for a fact today that i could fight and win against my demons and i could get better, would he wait?? I doubt it now, i feel like he is hiding so much from me, even more so than when we were together. Like what the hell or who the hell was it that made it so easy for him to throw away what we did have together over something that could have been worked out. 
I just feel like there is something i am missing, but of course there are plenty of conversations on his phone that i dont know about that i am missing. Im sure it was so easy because its what he wanted. around this time of year every year, he starts pushing me and testing me with his hiding his phone, deleting shit, and neglecting me, and i feel like its all my fault when i get paranoid, but really he does this alot. its like he wants to be single for the summer, and then "let me come back" when summer is over and the holidays are going to start. 
Its not like i am really that bad. If i was then why would he tell me he loves me that morning, and kiss me and say sorry for what he did that morning. if things were that bad then he wouldnt even do that. or he has been lying to me for months and saying something he doesnt mean, because other girl or not i dont think he wanted to be with me anymore.... from small stuff to stuff that really needs work he makes me out to be such a terrible person. 


I am always cleaning up the house, taking care of landon, im always on top so he doesnt have to do anything, he can just get off. I always give him head before sex and i cant remember the last time he returned the favor. its been well well over a year. I try my hardest even on a bad day to smile when he comes into the room and be happy when he's here. its not always possible but i really am happy to be around him. 
I just dont get it. I really dont. other than friday, where did i go wrong? 
and friday is something that could be worked out. I know it was wrong, and i know that he was hurt, but i really thought this was just an angry break up, not something that he really wanted. 
and now i know that its something he's been wanting for a long time, and did the things he knows that push me over the edge, by being shady and shit. He set up a trap, and i fell into it, and then i fucked up so that it wouldnt be him that ended it it was me..... this was his plan all along.