So Saturday I went to Austin to see a close friend of mine. Chris had to work the next morning at ten, so I had to be at home by nine thirty so I could be here with our son. Well I got out to my car and had a flat tire... So needless to say I didnt make it back to San Antonio by 9:30. Chris called into work, and stayed with Landon. When i got back he was going to his best friend's dad's house, so in the mean time I was going to clean all I could and he said when he got back we'd smoke. I was thinking the evening would go smoothly after the day before that when he called and yelled at me for so much, hung up, called again, hung up yada, yada. So when he gets back from visiting his friend, I dont remember what i said, but it sparked a plug and he went off again. I think we had a mild breakthrough because we got through the night, and he let me sleep in the bed. This morning he said he'd see me later, so i said bye.
The day was kind of yucky. All i wanted to do was hug, kiss, and hold him, and make up. That didnt happen. But he did call me about my status and ask why my day was yuk, and he wanted me to just talk to him. It was brief but he said he missed me before he got off the phone. And after put a status that said "I miss you a lot today...just sayin."
then texted me and made sure i knew it was about me. It made me feel so good. He even told me that Kandiss texted him and said I miss you too. He didnt have to tell me, but he did and that was a huge deal for me!
He has been so sweet today. Even in our fight last night he said something that jerked a tear, "Its not that, I love to hear you talk, you have a beautiful voice" OR something like that. those are the things i love to hear him say. Just little random things that make me feel so good about myself, and make me feel like he loves me.
So today before he got home, i wrote my previous poem, on his mirror in his room.
He didnt have to much to say about it, asked how long it took me to write it, and said thank you for my apology. he's called me babe a few times, but i dont think it was on purpose I think its just a habit. However, I cannot complain too much. God i just want to be with him tho. I want to have our great make-up sex and maybe move on from this. But I'm sure its still going to take plenty of time for him to be able to forgive or trust me. I guess i should expect it, i hurt him. I dont think its the lie that did it, its the perception he thinks that i have of him. =(
The days isnt over yet. Maybe we will make up... IDK we shall see. I just miss him so much and i am getting impatient. Who knows if he is ever going to want me back anyways. I know its what he wants becuase he hates this, but he said this is what he needs..... BOOOOO =(
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